Life can be pretty confusing at times. I am far from perfect but with God's help and parent's who always taught me to be kind, I turned out pretty good. There have been circumstances where to have been the type of person that would be manipulative or cruel, would probably resulted in things going "my way."
What I know to be the truth, is if a person is manipulative and or cruel, they may think that they have won, but nothing could be more wrong. If you have to cheat, or hurt others to get what you want then you have gained nothing.
It is hard to be in situations in which you have no control. It hurts to see someone discreetly yet obviously try to tear you or someone you love down. For the longest time I have been watching this happen. The thing that makes it so much harder is knowing that the person is intentionally trying to tarnish a beautiful relationship. A relationship made by God, a relationship that time can never erase, yet a relationship that someone else is trying their best to dissolve.
It is so hard to keep up this line of thought protecting names for the sake of "friendship." I am doing my best to try and see her side of things. But she is so far off base with her actions I could scream, and then cry. Ben and Alyssa's biological father has betrayed them to the fullest. His actions have been selfish and destructive and he has toyed with their emotions time and time again. Chris on the other hand strives to be the best father that he can be, to ALL of his children. Chris embraces Ben and Alyssa as his own and is proud to be the father to 5 beautiful children.
However, his ex is hell bent on making him out to be the bad guy to Justin and Ashton. They live so far away it makes it difficult to make it to many of their sporting and school events. There are many times his ex doesn't even bother to tell us of events (and some of those we could have actually made it to, if we had known). But budgets and time schedules allowing, we try to make every event possible. I know that "budgets" and "work" are foreign concepts to young children and she is using that to her full advantage.
It seems like every time we are unable to make it to an event, she flaunts it for all to see. I could save myself a lot of heartache if I just "de-friended" her so that her picture posts and her status updates would not be exposed to me. That being said, I am no fool. She is taunting me with the things she is saying and the pictures she is posting.
Today was Ashton's opening day of baseball (first one we have missed in all the years I have been with Chris). Our budget simply did not allow for us to travel the long distance to the event, not to mention Chris was exhausted from his week of school and his airport troubles. So needless to say, Chris must be so neglectful to not prioritize this event in her eyes. She posted pics of Ashton with his stepfather and noted that "it was all about the memories." Something she often jabs towards Chris (thru our fb friendship).
I guess part of the reason it tends to light my fire is because of the way she glorifies her new husband. She goes on and on about how wonderful a father he is to all of her boys. I am happy that he is good to the boys, but he in no way replaces Chris, which is her obvious goal. From our conversations I can all but gather that his money is for his use and she is to use the child support for the boys needs. Of course that is what the support is designed for. But I just don't see how you can put a man on a pedestal who's moral compass is questionable. For pete's sake the man courted a married woman and moved into the man's home less than a month after Chris left.
She has been bitter since day one of Chris' leaving her. On that day she kept the boys from school and had them watch their father pack his things as he left. She wanted it to be clear to the boys that Chris was the one leaving the family. How twisted is that? Even more so, her jealousy at the fact that he now has a family with me and dotes on "my" children is evident in all her manipulative ways.
She smiles so sweetly, and tells me of her prayers for our family. I do want to believe that that is the true person in front of me. But I just don't see how her behavior is Christian. Not trying to judge, just trying to understand. Maybe in her eyes, Chris has let the boys down. But from where I stand all I see is a man that is so self-less and sacrifices all he has for his family. She doesn't see the man that still gets emotional on the 4th of July because he never gets to share that holiday with the boys anymore (it's always her weekend, or the boys have plans with their friends). Maybe she thinks that we should sacrifice more to make the events. We already do without so many extra things, are we expected to give up necessaries as well in order to make every single event. If we lived closer it would be a non-issue, but I guess she just doesn't see it that way.
Because she was unable to fully love Chris and be a faithful wife, I have a wonderful husband who is more than I could ever desire. It was her own actions that divided her family and has forced Chris to be a weekend daddy. Why can't she just leave well enough alone? Why can't she just let Chris love his boys and let them appreciate him, instead of encouraging distance? Chris is the only real father that my children know. Sure they know who their biological dad is, and still see him on occasion...but they know who their provider is and the one that protects and loves them. How can she not see how blessed she is that Chris loves and provides for his boys in the best way that he possibly is able to?
I will never see things her way, just as she will never see things my way. We are individuals and we are different. We have different stories and different views....and that will never change. I just keep holding onto the faith that when the boys are grown men and have the wisdom that comes with age, they will be able to see through the charade and see the father that loved them more than life itself.
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